The Day You Thought You'd Never See
by FireUpTheFanFic
Summary: The comedy/most controversial fanfic of the year, and the most surreal. Sense of humour needed to read. It's Gene's wedding day.. but will it all go to plan? Appearances from Jedward, George Michael, Keith Lemon & many more and of course, Louis Walsh.
1. The Wedding

**Dear FanFic-ers, time for a non serious Ashes to Ashes creation. Do not read this story if you are one of those 'over-serious' fanfic-ers, if you have no sense of humour and if you don't support gay marriage. I did warn you all in advance. **

**Anyway those people up for a laugh, I hope you enjoy this little one-shot (:**

**Concept by Laura, written and composed by Hannah and Laura.**

**oh, and it switches between Louis and Gene's point of view.. but it should be easy enough to pick up and follow (: ENJOY!  
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It was a beautiful sunny morning of which Gene's day had finally come, the day he could marry the love of his life Louis Walsh. They'd met only months prior in a gay bar where Gene was working undercover, but he knew he was the one. He was such a gentle lover and his Irish accent sent shivers down Gene's back every time he spoke.

Louis got up early, looking out towards the fresh day, nervous but excited, the day had come he was getting married. When he went to the club that night he didn't expect to meet anyone, let alone a Manc lion figure, he never thought he would see that sort of a man in there. When he was with Gene he felt safe, knowing he was protected and there was someone to care for him.

Not wanting anything to ruin their special day, Gene did not wish to tempt fate so retreated to his best friend Alex's house the previous night and agreed not to meet Louis until they united at the chapel. Alex had been so supportive through Gene's 'coming out' process and admired his new settled down state. In fact, they hardly squabbled anymore and now had mutual respect for each other – Gene felt so lucky to have a friend in her.

'Come on Guv! It's time! It's your big day! Get out of bed!'

Feeling like a young child, Gene hopped out of bed as he heard Alex's voice from the other end of her flat and gazed out of the window. The sun was shining, birds were singing, this was everything he wanted.

In agreement, Louis stayed at their friends flat and they never said a bad word about it; mainly because they knew Gene would hit them if they respected their decision, and he was one shit-scary fella. Although this did mean many of the public would slate them and it had become harder for Gene to do his job, he never moaned though and that's what Louis admired.

He had the butterfly feeling in his stomach whilst he was getting ready, he wanted to look perfect at the same time realising it was all becoming real, the day he'd been longing for, for years and it was going to be perfect.

If there was one thing Gene was worried about, it was the guests Louis had invited along to their big day. He respected the fact that Louis had a lot of love for Jedward, and even Gene had learned to treat them like sons, but the fact that they were the ring-bearers scared him. They could hardly string a sentence together in English let alone have the responsibility of looking after two very expensive, limited edition Marks & Spencer's rings. And to be honest, Gene had never been a Westlife fan either, and the thought of them as choir boys made him physically sick.

Although his family could not make it there, the likes of Jedward, Westlife, Gok Wan and Dannii Minogue. Even though he didn't really like the Geordie lass much, Cheryl Cole was invited, along with the pervert that was Wagner. Louis' all time bestie Sharon Osbourne also flew in for the wedding. Boyzone and Simon Cowell were meant to be coming but incidents had gone on and they were uninvited. He was confident it would be the best day in his life even though 'Hello' magazine turned down their wedding. He'd found a beautiful suit to wear from George at Asda, with a little pink bow tie and a top hat, he tried it on and looked in the mirror and thought this is the one Gok Wan would be proud of.

Before Gene knew it, it was 12 o'clock and the bright pink horse & carriage pulled up outside Alex's flat. Alex (as his bridesmaid) was wearing a gorgeous pink Cinderella style dress – anyone would have thought it was her wedding, but Gene had picked it out for her and knew she'd look gorgeous in it. As soon as he had seen this dress on Katie Price's ITV2 documentary (the one where she married the ugly man), he knew it would be perfect for his Alex. Gene himself had opted for a black suit and waistcoat with his trousers cut slightly short to show off his pale pink socks which matched his tie. Alex had a tear in her eye at just how well he scrubbed up. Arm in arm, they made their way to the carriage which would delicately transport them to that quiet country chapel where he and his lover would wed.

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Stepping outside the flat he waited for John and Edward he smelt in the summer air and felt very content. A few minutes later they arrived, competing against each other on Mario kart.

'LOUIS!' John shouted from the roof of the limo. 'I WON AGAIN!' he smiled as they pulled up beside him.

Louis got in, looking up at their flat and then they drove away, all the emotions coming back as he was thinking of being married to the one he loved.

'Oh my god John why you always acting like this?'

'Oh my god like what Edward'

'Shut it yous two' Louis said.

'Can we sing Ghostbusters to you as a wedding gift to you Louis?'

'All in good time boys, come back to my flat afterwards and I'll let yee do what ever yee want.'

'And then we can sing 'all the small things', referring it to your manhood'

'Yee cheeky little shits'

'Oh my god Louis, guess who is coming to the biggest gay wedding of the year' John exclaimed.

'Who?'

'Oh my god Keith Lemon!' he squeals and flaps his arms.

'Oh marvellous' he joked, until silence fell as they reached the chapel.

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'BANGTIDY!'

Was the first thing Gene heard when the horse and carriage pulled up, Louis eagerly waiting in the church to marry his lover.

'What's that twat doing here?'

Keith Lemon stared at him before bitterly insulting him;

'Don't be a dingbat Gene' and casually walked into the church.

All eyes were on Gene as he stepped out of the carriage as numerous guests stood and smiled at him. This was such an amazing feeling.

He could hear his sons in the chapel, nattering away,

'Oh my god John, we look so fetch.'

'Stop trying to make fetch happen Edward!'

God, he hated those kids.

Putting his troubles aside, Gene headed down the church yard, still arm in arm with Alex before being greeted at the door by Chris, Ray and the rest of CID. He could have sworn Ray had a tear in his eye.

The organ started… Westlife started 'singing'. This was it… his moment…

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'Louis you look amazing darling' Gok whispered in his ear and pinched his bum.

'Gok, you could have had me but you didn't want me, I've got Gene' he replies.

Gok sulked off and took a seat while Louis stood facing the alter. Gene hints for the music to start, looking to Alex and smiling as he begins to walk.

"Today this could be, the greatest day of our lives, before it all ends, before we run out of time, stay close to me'' they start singing. Gene's face drops.

"What are you doing you twats? It's the wrong bloody song'' he exclaims.

"Ah sorry sorry''

"Jesus Christ!'' Gene says, loosing his temper.

"Put your head against my life, what do you hear?'' they sing and Gene smiles at the guests, walking gracefully with Alex.

"A million words just trying to make the love song of the year''

Louis turns to see Gene, his heart beating wildly.

''Close your eyes but don't forget what you have heard. A man who is trying to say three words, the words that make me scared. A million love songs later, here I am trying to tell you that I care, a million love songs later, here I am''

And there stood Gene, standing at Louis side. Alex takes her seat and they both hold hands, standing proudly in front of the vicar.

All fell silent as Dawn French stood in front of the beaming couple.

'People of God's church, we are gathered here today to witness the lawful wedding of Gene Penelope Hunt and Michael Louis Walsh. May God guide them into holy matrimony as they seek their never ending love.'

'Michael Louis Walsh the II of Ireland, do you, take thee, Gene Penelope Hunt to be your lawful wedded husband?'

'I do' – his Irish accent squeaked,

Gok by this point had to leave the church due to the intense crying, Ray having to closely follow.

'Gene Penelope Hunt..'

'Is there any bloody need to keep calling me that?' Gene harshly interrupted.

Louis smiled as the Vicar of Dibley blushed.

'I'm sorry… Gene Hunt, do you take thee Michael Louis Walsh the II of Ireland to be your lawful wedded husband?'

'I do'

'Oh my god John! We so need to upload a twitpic to PlanetJedward!'

The whole ceremony turned to Jedward before shaking their heads in disgrace.

'Oh my god Edward you made us look like complete idiots now, don't think I'm playing Mario kart with you again in a hurry' John sulks.

'Right, anyone got any reason why these two should not be married?'

All was silent, then in broke George Michael in the Quattro, he'd clearly been on the drugs, smashing through the door leaving debris everywhere. A small section of the church crumbled down, large boulders narrowly missing guests. Dannii Minogue tried to scream, but the botox she had that morning prevented any facial movement.

George stumbled out and stood in the middle of the aisle.

'Baby I'm your man!' George sung to Gene.

'Yeah you are my man, for killing my car, you nancy tosspot!' he says in anger.

'Huh? Your car, since when? Too flash for a poof'' he laughs

'Get out ! You're ruining my perfect day you bastard!'

'Oh Louis, nice hat' he laughs and leaves.

'Please can we get on with it, my apple pie is nearly done and I'm not letting it burn. Right, you may now kiss the bride…oh I mean other half' Dawn smiles.

Gene looks at Louis and Louis looks at Gene and they move in closer, tilting their heads and kissing.

Cheers come from the guests. 'POTATO' Keith shouts out.

'Just one more thing' Gene says to the guests before breaking into song and whipping Louis' arse.

'I like big butts and I cannot lie'

'You… other… brothers, ooow, can't.. deny….. ooooooow.'

The noise filled the church as they heard two clear shrieking Irish boys – Jedward had been brutally trapped and run over by George's antics, blood everywhere, Louis rushed over.

'My beautiful boys! What has that washed up drug addict done to yee?'

A tear in his eye as he touched the boys cheeks, they looked so weak…

'Louis, I'll always love you, you were like the best thing that we like ever knew'

And with that, all fell silent..

Louis cried hysterically, Alex rushing over to comfort him…

Gene wide mouthed at the fact they'd perished…

His day had been ruined… Would Louis ever be the same again?

'Find out after t'break.' Keith Lemon shouted.

**_Kidding, find out in our next one shot titled 'The Wedding After-Party and Jedward's Funeral.'_**

**_You know you want tee._**

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**Please review and tell us what you think of this ridiculous and surreal story! (;**


	2. Flashback

**Well… what can we say? Thank you so much for the overwhelming response to the first chapter. I was expecting 1 review and a lot of criticism, but wow! We hadn't anything else planned, but you people were keen for more, so here you are! This is a flashback to how Gene and Louis met… [I still can't believe we came up with this ridiculous concept] The men in white coats are waiting for us…**

**BTW, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS FIC, THEN JUST CLICK THE X. NO NEED TO BE NASTY ABOUT IT. We know it's funny to make fun of, but so what? we are laughing at it ourselves about how stupid it is and we wrote the bloody thing! **

**I also read on Twitter by a very bitter person that all you reviewers are being 'fake' about how much you liked it and no one is being frank in their reviews. I hope this isn't true. Anyway, just needed to say that. Those who are enjoying this fic, please show your support and carry on reading and reviewing (:  
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Gene had just entered the gayest cocktail bar around in London; he was undercover on the case to find Simon Cowell for a crime against music, as well with rigging popular Saturday night talent show results.

He walked in confidently as he had a few weeks back when he finally came out of the closet. There he stood; proudly looking around, whistling occasionally to the fit men he passed before walking through to the manager's office.

Lo and behold, Simon was there - the owner of the club, with his staff, Jedward, Louis Walsh and Boyzone.

'Simon Cowell I am arresting you for blackmail, you do not have to say anything but you might want to if you want to come out alive by the time I'm done with you' he says, going over and putting an arm around his neck.

'What are you doing? Simon has done nothing!' Boyzone said in unison.

Gene was taken a back with the campness of this band – they gave gays a bad name.

'Ah yee, he has, he done all sorts, made me cut newspaper letters' Louis said.

'Louis? What are you doing? You couldn't even make us do well, you useless piece of shit! Why you turning against the only good one in the music industry? You'd be nothing without us!'

Gene had been looking at Louis, in his little waitress outfit and instantly fell in love.

'I think it's time we went down to the station, you come too' he says pointing to Louis.

'I'm John! I'm Edward! Together we make JEDWARD!' John and Edward pop up.

'When there's something strange, in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call?' they dance and sing around.

'The Gene Genie' Gene replies, cuffing Simon up.

'Omg, you're a genie? Edward this is totally awesome, we can have three wishes'

'I take it these are your kids?' Gene says, looking at Louis in disgust. They seemed as mental as that arrogant DI Drake, but although she was as mad as a box of frogs, he did love her.

'Oh yee, they just follow me round, hoping they will be as big as Hannah Montana, they are ok-ish' Louis responds.

'Omg, can we go in your car and press your siren?' the twins exclaim.

'No, now Simon, Louis come down the station with me.' Gene orders, dragging Simon out of the room, Louis closely following.

'Edward, we need to update our Twitter status and say 'omg we just met a genie' do it at the same time okay' John squeals.

'Actual FML' Gene shouts.

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After what seemed a very long and stressful journey back, they finally reached the station. Gene had sneakily been glancing at Louis through the car mirror, Louis' eye every now and again catching his – God he was something special Gene thought. Those piercing blue eyes and moonlit kissed grey hair was such a turn on for him.

As Gene dragged Simon into the station, he knew Louis would have to wait until later – work came first and he had a lot of intense questioning to invade Simon with.

'Bols, can you please give this gentleman a drink as he waits?' pointing to Louis.

'Of course I can what would you like sir?'

'I'd like a smoothie if you have any?'

'Well of course. What flavour?'

'Banana please.'

Gene's face lit up.

'That's my favourite drink too!'

Louis blushed, before giving Gene a cheeky wink and following Alex into the squad room.

Gene, still holding a struggling Simon pushed him into the interview room, however was embarrassingly stopped in his tracks.

'Erm excuse me, that better not be what I think it is in my back you gay poof copper!'

Gene blushed as he glanced down to reveal the bulge in his trousers before aggressively throwing Simon, still handcuffed, into the interview chair.

'Right Cowell, I hear you've been fixing the X Factor, yet again'

Cowell lights up a fag.

'Would you not? If you wanted your act to win? No one disagreed. Dannii couldn't as she can't make any facial movement, Louis didn't as no one but me knows what goes on behind closed doors with Westlife and Jedward and Cheryl… well, she just wouldn't.'

'Well you can't just do that! Do you no how much money I wasted on Paj-ie [Paije] to get through? Yet you let that trampy looking tosser Wagner through? Are you mental?'

'How do you think I make the money?' he says and stands up.

Gene also stands up.

'Well it certainly wasn't from making Will Young a hit. Seems when it comes out that you are gay people don't take an interest.'

'What like you, you mean?' he sniggers

'I've had just about enough of you, you homophobic, high-waisted trousers, useless little shit! Get out of my station before I hit that bone idol face of yours!'

'Alright but I'm not promising anything'

'JUST PISS OFF!' By this time Gene had strutted over and pulled Simon's trousers up even further than usual giving the most intense wedgie ever. Simon's high pitched squeal filled the room. Feeling like he'd made his point, the Guv ordered Simon not to put a foot out of line again before storming out of the interview room into CID.

Louis was still there, talking to Alex.

'Louis, can I have a word in my office'

'Sure sure' he smiles and walks behind Gene, who then closes the door and blinds after he walks in.

'Louis, well done with Shane, you done well with that boy, I can't stop listening to his new song on my mp3 player'

'Ah yee see, Simon makes out he is shit but where is Steve Brookstein nowadays?'

'I see where you're coming from Louis. I agree completely' he smiles, looking up at Louis, checking him out.

'Gene, stop looking at me, yee making me blush' he flirts.

'I'm sorry Louis, you're just a very attractive man and we have so much in common, can you imagine us watching 'Pineapple Studios' together with a banana smoothie?'

'Ah yee, I can, I do love a little of Louie Spence, fills my evenings up'

'Mine too! C'mon Louis, don't pretend you don't feel the same'

'Well, I guess it would be nice, I've seen yee around before, you make me feel funny'

'Well that's it then, just try it Louis. We could be the new Posh and Becks'

'More like Christopher Biggins and Neil Sinclair'

Louis and Gene look in each others eyes with passion, moving themselves closer to each other, parting their lips, tilting their heads and kissing, closing their eyes.

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In a strange turn of events, after sharing that passionate kiss, which again had turned Gene on immensely, Louis invited Gene back for a night in the cocktail bar that they were in only hours ago. Gene of course, smitten to the bone had to accept this offer.

Two hours later, Gene made his way back to the cocktail bar after finishing work. Alex had offered to take him shopping before he saw Louis again to get a nice scented after-shave and some smart, yet very sexy clothes. Gene obliged his DI's offer – he wanted that night to be perfect.

After spending what seemed like hours in TK Maxx, Gene was finally kitted out for his official 'date'. Wearing a pink shirt, grey trousers and he'd even invested in a little pale blue bow tie seeing as he knew just how much Louis liked them. Alex couldn't deny how smart and beautiful he looked; she also admired how nervous he was. This was a totally new side of Gene and she was glad to be as close to him as she now was and to know him as well as she did. Feeling fresh in his new David Beckham aftershave, he was nervous but ready for anything as Alex dropped him off at the door of the club. The bright lights illuminating the front and the music blasting from inside – Gene wasn't too keen on raves, especially due to his never increasing age, but tonight was different. Tonight he was ready for anything, and he certainly needed to be prepared for what was coming as he stepped out of the car door and two figures with shark-fin-like-hair pounced upon him.

'Oh my God John! He's back! You know, the one our Louis fancies, the genie!'

Gene blushed as he entered the club, beaming madly as he looked around for his friend.

There he was, alone at the bar, no longer in his cute little maid outfit, but now smartly dressed in black with a bright green tie, he looked scrumptious.

The second Louis saw him, his face lit up. As if an electric force pulling them together, they advanced towards one another before locking lips to the gentle sound of Westlife – Flying Without Wings.

And there they sat talking above the music, dancing for a bit, then getting smashed off strawberry cider; it was a perfect night for Gene.

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The following morning, Gene awoke to find himself snuggled up to the only man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Together they lay on Gene's memory foam mattress, under his Spice Girls duvet – this was everything he wanted, and more.

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**Right, this was a keep-you-going chapter, we accept that it may not have been as good as the first but please stick with this fic as the next chapter will be Jedward's funeral/the after party (:**

**Anyway hope you enjoyed it! & please review as if it wasn't for the reviews – we wouldn't be writing more!**

**LauAnna Productions **©


	3. The After Party

**Thanks again for the reviews – glad you're still enjoying this controversial fic. Here is the next chapter – it's set after the disastrous wedding and the after party. :D  
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'It's okay Louis, forget about Jedward for now, they had a good life. They appreciated everything you did for them. You were after all their mentor and they will never forget that…'

Together, hand in hand, a very distraught Louis left the church with Gene.

Minus the disruption and violent death of two quite frankly crackin', if not slightly stupid people, the service had been lovely. Alex had given a heart warming speech which left Gene hunting for the Kleenex, and Cheryl Cole gave a pitch perfect performance of Fight For This Love [due to the fact she was miming], as always.

'Thanks Gene, yee I know it's a loss, but we mustn't let anything ruin our day, no matter how bad, Jedward wouldn't have wanted us to put our specials plans to one side because of them. Eeee, those two were special, with their spikey hair and rosey soft cheeks, and they smelt so fragrant you know… I just can't believe it.'

Slightly smirking but trying to look like he did actually give a shit, Gene nodded as the two of them reached the carriage waiting for them at the end of the churchyard, their guests behind, cheering them on.

In front of them stood the most gorgeous pink and pale blue carriage, made of candyfloss and candy canes. No I joke, but it did look pretty scrumptious. Louis had specially ordered this as a surprise for Gene, his face lighting up no end when he realised the driver was a drag queen version of Katie Price.

'Louis this is just what I wanted, you've done me proud' he smiles kissing his cheek.

'Yee well, yee get the best'

They drive off to the reception, holding each others hands, feeling content.

Pulling up at the reception they look out to what looks like a Barbie doll house they used to play with when they were little.

'This is magnificent' Gene smiles, walking out with Louis.

'Ah yee, Simon is missing out'

They walk into the big hall, everywhere was pink, just what they dreamt of, with all of their friends stood before them.

'Thank yee all for coming, it means a lot' Louis smiles.

'I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met you that much is true' started playing as everyone took their seats.

An hour or so later they had finished their meal and it was time for the speeches.

'Louis, when I first saw yer in that outfit, I instantly fell in love, yer've been there through the bad and good, I know yer lost the closest people too yer but I'm here for yer, don't ever change and your wee little Irish accent always cheers me up, thank you for marrying me and for everything else I love yer' Gene smiles down to a crying Louis, everyone else was also crying but clapping to Gene.

'Right well, I guess it's my turn' Keith Lemon sprouts up.

'I think Gene and Louis make a bangtidy couple. Made for each other and all that, even though Gene is a bit of a dingbat. Putting it aside, can we all raise a glass to the happy couple before we get down to the hardcore dancing. Oosh!' he smiles raising his glass then downing the content.

'Right come on Holly Willaboobylemon lets get you, me and your melons on the dancefloor, you too Dot Cotton.'

'Why was he invited Louis? Are you serie for really?'

'Gene love, stopping talking NDubz talk – you'll never be as cool as that Dappy. And I didn't! I think it was Jedward's idea… oh Jedward…'

'Don't cry Louis! Come dance to the Conga with me, I'll let you touch more than my waist' – he winks.

Louis' face lit up.

'Oh yee cheeky sir, come on then!'

The Macarena plays and everyone joins in, galloping round the pink room. Even DCI Litton joined in, and why he was there too Gene would never know.

All fell silent as the music stopped, everyone glancing over to see the door burst wide open and a figure vigorously storming in.

'Come on ladies, let me see you bend, bend I said, and you fine looking fellas. Ooft.'

'LOUIE SPENCE!' Cried Louis looking at Gene, his face again lighting up.

'Don't look at me! I didn't arrange it! But boy am I not complaining.'

'Gene and Louis, great name by the way, come with me and I'll show you how to do to Macarena.. Pineapple Dance Studios style!'

Their faces lit up as they darted to the front of the room, trying to keep up with a very excitable Louie who was dancing with every step, doing numerous splits and handstands.

The room cheered them on as the three of them started dancing to the Macarena with full force.

Louis even put a little of the ol' Irish jig in there, Graham Norton in particular loved that part and joined in with him.

Everyone was up dancing in a line - the Katie Price look a like giving it all she had, her boobs flying up and down nearly as much as Simon's man-boobs would have been if he had been invited. Even Dannii Mingoue managed to even crack a smile; maybe the botox was wearing off.

There were cheers and laughter filling the room, the music kept playing and the drinks kept coming.

Out of the blue Hannah Montana appeared, or Miley Cyrus, no one was really sure.

She got up on the stage and started singing [or howling, you're decision]. Moments later silence fell as two screaming figures entered the room. Guess who turned up again? Yes George Michael. But this time he was back with Andrew Ridgeley. Everyone was shocked - they thought they'd never see these two together again.

'Oi, this party is for real stars' George shouted at her, throwing a microphone at her head. Consequently it lead to her blonde wig falling off. The poor lass also had bad concussion which could have lead future damage to her few brain cells so an ambulance was called for her and she was rushed to hospital.

No one really cared though; they just went back to dancing to the Cheeky Girls. Gene kept sneakily pinching Louis' bum, making him gasp and smirking at him.

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**Who wants more? Please review? (: We still have Jedward's funeral to come if you're still liking it!**


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